Oral Sex

It’s about time India stopped indulging in oral sex with the Pakis and resorted to some real games with them – you know what kind!

The genesis of this mentality and attitude of we Indians is buried in the history of modern India. Not the Chacha Nehru history that all Indian unsuspecting students have to “mug” for their board examinations which are in any case are biased towards the Gandhi family courtesy the HRD ministry of the GOI, but the real Indian history which is far from boring and is better than any suspense thriller I have read in my life.

It all started some time in 1949 when Jinnah was sulking and Gandhi was all too keen to appease him and this is where the series of BIG MISTAKES by India began:

Mistake No. 1: Gandhi gave 30 crores to Jinnah during Independence

Despite Sardar Patel’s insistence, explanations and urges to Gandhi not to do so, Gandhi overruled Sardar and gave 30 crores to the Pakis. Sardar Patel had told Gandhi that if he really wanted to help the Pakis he should give them food but with cash they would only go out and arm the Mujahedeen to fulfil their sinister designs on Kashmir.

For reasons best known to Nehru, he acceded to “Mahatma” Gandhi’s blackmail of going on a hunger strike and yielded. The net result was exactly what Sardar Patel had predicted. The Pakis armed the Mujahedeen with that money and sent them to Kashmir to wage war on India.

It was only the deft manoeuvring of Maharaja Hari Singh by Sardar Patel which saved the day and the Indian army landed in Sri Nagar airport minutes before the Pakis to take control of Kashmir.

Mistake No. 2: The way the 1971 war was handled

The Indian army had wrested control and our generals were all set to take control of Lahore and Islamabad in 1971 when the cease fire and The Shimla Agreement happened between Indira Gandhi and Bhutto. Mrs. Gandhi returned all captured territory to the Pakis.

The logic for this gesture has not been understood till date by me or the Generals who led motivated army jawans who lost lives for the sake of their country. Appeasement of the Pakis was more important for political reasons best known to Mrs. Gandhi than the sentiments of India’s citizens or jawans.

Mistake Nol. 3: Release of Rubaiya by the GOI

The Mistakes No. 1 and 2 had created the foundation for the Kashmir militancy and when the problem was still in its infancy, the militants tested their strength versus the preparedness of the Indian establishment by kidnapping the daughter of the then home minister of India Mufti Md Syed.

The V. P. Singh government chose to release militants in return for the release of the Mufti’s daughter and thereby sowed the seeds for future kidnappings and militancy in the valley.

This one rather, insignificant and incongruous event was responsible for what we are facing today in our streets and hotels and bazaars every other day.

Mistake No. 4: The Mandal Commission in the mid nineties

By now the Indian subcontinent had been introduced to militancy and terrorism although no one at that stage thought how big this problem would become and everyone was all too eager in consolidating their territory or turf. More so the politicians like V. P. Singh.

V. P. Singh was playing Chess with the Congress and the stake was the crown of India. Unfortunately at stake were the people of India. The India of diverse cultures, caste, religion, beliefs, lifestyle, dialect and mannerisms. V. P. Singh further fragmented the parchment of this country with 27% reservations for OBCs under the guise of the recommendations of the Mandal Commission.

The sole purpose for this reservation was creation of Political vote banks and I am willing to rot in hell if V. P. Singh had even an iota of consideration for the OBCs whose messiah he chose to become.

This certainly did little to improve the lot of the OBCs in India but was certainly highly successful in becoming the harbinger of political unrest and caste based fragmentation of India for the next two decades. It also acted as a catalyst towards escalating the Kashmir problem by providing a platform for Human Right activism to the Pakis in Kashmir.

Mistake No. 5: The Kandahar Hijacking

We Indians never seem to learn from our mistakes and take pride in repeating them. The seeds of audacity that had been sowed by virtue of our Mistake No. 3 had by now become a full bloomed tree of fearlessness and naked aggression and the militants kidnapped an Indian airliner to Kandahar and demanded the release of three most wanted terrorists in return for the hijacked passengers.

No prizes for guessing what the GOI did. They exchanged terrorists for passengers and exposed the chink in the Indian armour into a gaping hole.

That The Parliament attack, The Akshardham Temple, BSNL HQ in Sri Nagar, and the Mumbai train blasts happened was no surprise. We asked for it. Didn’t we?

Mistake No. 6: The Oral Sex

So much water has flow under the bridge. We are constantly under attack and words like terrorism, RDX, militancy, kidnappings; bomb blasts etc have entered the jargon of school children. We are constantly under siege and militancy has entered our lives and drawing room conversations, but we the Indians are still indulging in oral sex with our neighbour. It is reminiscent of two old couple who indulge in oral sex. They both say “F.... Y...” to each other and the act is deemed to have been completed.

I am amazed at the dexterity with which all the Barkhas, Arnabs, Rajdeeps and channels in a perpetual race for the No. 1 position are competing with each other in the oral format of this game. In the process they are misleading the Indian public at large and resorting to rhetoric in high decibels with the sole objective of increasing their TRPs.

We, the ever gullible Indians are being mesmerised with these antics and are simmering with a sense of delight at hearing the echo of our own sentiments in a dramatised form in these TV channels.

How long are we going to be fooled by the establishment and the media? For how long are we going to continue making these mistakes? For how long are we to indulge in oral sex?

Enough said. Enough heard. Let’s actually go out there and “F...” them.

Great Expectations

No, this isn't about Charles Dickens immortal novel. Though I have certainly borrowed from his title.

Sometimes I wonder what "expectation" is. Is it what you want others to do unto you, or the way you want them to do what they do or maybe the way you want the world to turn.....I really don't know!

What do I expect? Is it riches? or fame, maybe power, respect, authority, or probably all of those. But then is this what I really want? Hm'm, I'm not so sure. Aren't these the resultant factors of other things like in, if I could do "X" the above would occur by default. Yes!

So what is / are my expectations? Is it about relationships? with parents, spouse, children, colleagues, employees or customers or vendors.....? Or is it about how I expect these people to treat me or behave?

All my life I have been a spoilt brat. I could get whatever I wanted, well almost. My father behaved with me reasonably, so okay, sometimes he did'nt - so what? I was a brave child not because I had inner strength but because I was confident that Dad was there to take care of things if I messed up somewhere. It enabled me to experiment and take bold decisions. My mother never agreed with this though. She thought my father was turning me into a monster by his belief that the only way I could learn was by making mistakes. He gave me the liberty to make mistakes. Thanks Dad! So did he expect anything in return? what were his expectations when he treated me the way he did or what did my mother want me to be? What were my parents' expectations from me?

I have crossed the halfway marker of my life (or maybe more) and I still don't know the answer to this and probably will never be able to understand. Was my father able to do and achieve what he eventually did because my mother supported him or did she have nothing to do with this. Is this why I expect my wife to behave the same way my mother behaved with my father? Will someone please tell me?

So what are my expectations from my sons? Do I want them to achieve all those things in life which I couldn't, irrespective of what they want to do with their life? Do I see myself in them and is it my desire the relive life through them because there is no other way I can turn back the clock? I'm puzzled, I'm confused and I'm totally bewildered.

Let's come back to my wife. What do I expect her to be? (Of course it's not important how she wants to be). Why do I behave like a stereotype MCP and presume that my wife should know exactly how I want her to behave with me. Of course I don't need to tell her. Her mother should have taught her that. We'll discuss that chapter some other day. Actually, I expect her to anticipate my moods and adjust accordingly. Simple.

What about my employees? They should know what I expect. Isn't that why I am paying them. Don't forget I am the king of my territory. The junta should know the likes, dislikes and expectations of the king. Shouldn't they?

Or is it something else?

I have reached that stage in life when I suddenly find myself out of the shadows of my father. I can feel the same arrogance in my parents, wife sons and employees that I had when my father was in charge. I have now become the "provider" not by choice though. It's by default. I can see all these people brimming with the same confidence that I showed in my youth. I can see them making mistakes. I can see the "he is there to take care" look in their eyes! Boy, it sure makes me nervous. I am sad too.

Nervous, because I am burdened with the responsibility of having to live upto these expectations. Sad because I can see the carefree confidence exuberated by a smart young boy being replaced with maturity and responsibility. Nervous because I can't let them down. Sad because there is no one to look upto anymore. Nervous because I don't have a second chance. Sad because I never took advantage of the first. Nervous because I have to live upto many expectations. Sad because my expectations are not relevant any more.

The Mother-in-law Syndrome

The quintessential Indian mother in law (MIL) often behaves like a tigress when it comes to the credentials of her marriageable son. This phenomenon cascades across regions, caste, economic conditions, race or religion. A typically Indian phenomenon which occurs regularly every time a mother is hunting for a “wife” for her son, akin to a tigress on the prowl for a kill.

This phenomenon often reminds me of the attitude of the industry where we place our students.
Like the archetypal Indian MIL, the HR Manager of the studio/industry believes that her “son” (the job in question) deserves the very best “wife” (the candidate applying for this job) and must carry enough “dowry” (skills) irrespective of what the son can offer in return (salary, working conditions, etc.).

Constantly paraded in front of prospective “husbands”, the poor “to be wife” suddenly realizes that she is not fit to exist in this world, and is not suitable to be married at all. A sense of self defeat envelops most. Some get motivated and become crusaders, some resign to their fate and some play to the gallery.

This is not the end of the ordeal. In most cases even after the marriage, the daughter-in-law is often rebuked and her mother blamed for everything she does not know. Seldom is she appreciated for what she knows and what she excels in.

Most mothers in laws will not specify what she expects from her daughter in law and expects the mother of the bride to know everything in advance.

Does it not remind you of what happens to students coming out of training institutes? The industries where they are placed expect them to know exactly what they want and blame the institutes for not teaching them what they should know. Seldom do they specify to the institutes their exact requirements in advance.

They believe that the training institutes are out to make a killing from the fees that they charge and do little to train the students to the requirements of the industry. A belief which makes the industry suspicious of the training institutes and a belief which is as far from truth as can be. I call this the “mother in law syndrome”.

I know that this statement will evoke sharp response from the industry and they will never accept this theory, like a typical MIL, again.

However, instead of getting into this endless debate, institutes have certain responsibilities and need to do their job irrespective of the attitude of the industry. The fact of the matter is that they cannot ignore the industry and vice versa.

In light of the above, I would suggest certain steps that training institutes need to take to combat the MIL phenomenon. (This is for the animation training institutes)

1. Concentrate on concepts with tools as aids instead of the other way around.
2. Encourage lateral thinking by organizing competitions in creativity.
3. Organize seminars and request industry to speak about their requirements.
4. Encourage students to highlight specific skills (not tools) instead of everything they know.
5. Expose them to external competitions and send entries for the numerous awards.
6. Attract trainers exposed to the requirements of the industry.
7. Downsize the expectations of the students when they enroll with us.
8. Be in constant touch with the industry by participating in various meets and seminars conducted by FICCCI, TASI, ASIFA etc.
9. Do not be afraid to experiment.
10. Go back to the basics.

If I survive this article and if you want me to, maybe some time in the future, I will write in details about these steps.
True, we are in this business for profits but then who isn’t? Before signing off, I will also request the industry not to be suspicious of the training institutes but instead to collaborate with them since no grumbling MIL has ever achieved her objective. It is only by collaboration that the two can together create a vast pool of human resource which can act as a true win-win proposition for both.

Ramesh Kumar Ruia
(Director, Arena Animation – Park Street, Kolkata)

[For comments and reactions please write to ramesh@arenaparkstreet.com]
[For antedote to the MIL Syndrome, visit http://arenaparkstreet.blogspot.com]